📩“Open HERE” if you are in a DARK season with your mental health.⛈️

Unpopular opinion:

You are in a season of darkness. You feel this heavy weight. You feel dead inside yet you continue to power through life…you are having a rough time…

And that’s ok.

This edition is not about telling you to speak positive thoughts and to pull yourself into the light because you have so much to be grateful for..

Instead it’s about acceptance of your present and also planting a seed of perspective..

I’m in a season of darkness NOW.

Even as I write this newsletter, so many of my coping tools that I have fought so hard to build on have been tested in rapid succession. Those tools take energy and that energy has left me in moments depleted with a desire to just shut myself off.

If you are new to my story, many years of my mental health were plagued by what felt like endless darkness and heaviness. Those times where you are so low that I was in physical pain from the constant heaviness and hollowness on my being. I also felt guilty because although I could put myself back together again it chipped away at a piece of me each time and I should just be able to move into the light and let the power of positive thoughts ride me through these moments. Let’s just say, it didn’t happen.

Fast forward to my season of darkness now vs. then. Yes, I feel the heaviness and emptiness but how I move in the darkness now is much different than before. What changed? I don’t run from it. As ugly as it is, I use this time to build, sit and grow…no matter how small it may be. I also give myself more grace to have those low moments….overall I don’t seek out the darkness instead I have learned how to live in it differently.

But where do you start? What were the tools that I needed to move differently during dark seasons?

Tools for the Journey

Never Start at the Beginning, Start from Where You Are

There is no "perfect" time to start. You don't need elaborate preparation. While this may seem like common sense, it wasn't for me. I was a doer, and doing often involved meticulous preparation. If I couldn't prepare, it triggered anxiety. However, rest assured that the seasons of darkness don't wait for preparation; you are right where you need to be to begin your journey.

Perspective Is Everything

This concept took me the longest to grasp, as I tend to be fixed in my thoughts and worldview. While this trait fueled my drive, it made it challenging to see situations from different angles. Learning to shift perspective during dark seasons was one of the most powerful tools in my toolbox. It allowed me to see the unseen, discover opportunities where none seemed to exist, and adapt my reactions and actions during times when control seemed elusive. Coping with the activation or increased severity of symptoms related to bipolar depression further complicated matters. Changing perspective began with a simple yet pivotal question: "What if?" What if I could grant myself grace instead of pushing through? What if I could use this time for reflection and change? What if I could seek support during this period?

Different Tools for Different Seasons

Therapy had been a constant in my life for years, but it wasn't until I started dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) that I began to experience growth during prolonged seasons of darkness. This taught me that not all tools are created equal. Meditation, for instance, didn't initially work for me, but it later became a cornerstone of my mental health routine. I hadn't paid much attention to how my dietary choices affected my mental health during these seasons, but I am now much more mindful. I took medication for sleep and mood stabilization for years but eventually tapered off (with my psychiatrist's support). However, I'm open to medication if needed in the future. My season of darkness required not only change from within but also a reassessment of the external coping tools I used, or didn't use. I had to determine what was effective and what wasn't, and be honest with myself. For instance, the cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) I had been receiving wasn't meeting my needs. While it was helpful, the change I desired necessitated a different approach. This required advocating with my insurance company, which proved challenging. Nevertheless, I pressed forward, even covering some costs out of pocket to align my support with my evolving needs. It's crucial for those navigating this season to have a licensed therapist or psychologist to help develop tools for different phases. What matters most is taking the first step.

Conclusion

Living in the darkness differently requires intentional effort. Yet, these times have been some of the most significant periods of growth and change in my mental health journey. I encourage you to start where you are, ask yourself "what if," and craft tools that support you as the seasons change. In the words of Rumi, "search the darkness, do not run from it."

Disclaimer: This blog topic is from my personal experience with mental health and should serve as informational only. It is not a substitute for medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. You must not rely on the information on this newsletter as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or therapist. If you have any specific concerns about your mental health, you should consult your doctor and you should not delay seeking medical advice, or treatment for your mental health, because of information on this newsletter.

1. Speaking with a Professional: Set an appointment reminder right now to share this experience with your licensed therapist, counselor, psychologist, coach, or other professional who can help you during this season. (Estimated time to complete: 5 minutes)

2. Phone or text friends who might have recommendations for a therapist, counselor, psychologist, coach, or other professional with whom you can create a safe space to share your thoughts. (Total time: 2-5 minutes)

3. Reach out to your insurance company (phone or email) for a list of licensed professionals covered in-network. (Total time: 5 minutes - who knows if you are on hold)

4. Movement: It may seem counterintuitive, especially during times when you want to retreat, but physical movement is a powerful tool and can help give you more clarity. Choose something that you can do, even if it is only for 10 minutes. I'm a huge fan of YouTube workout videos that I can just hit play, follow along, and then it's over. But even a simple walk can be helpful. (Estimated time to complete: 15 minutes)

5. Meet in the Middle or Enter your season of "No": During seasons of darkness, many women like myself still have to show up on the other side of the door. Look at your existing commitments and see which ones you can leave halfway through or eliminate. It sounds basic, but layering this among multiple activities gives you the space that in the darkness you may need. Just point to an urgent appointment or that you are overcommitted. (Estimated time to complete: 10 minutes)

6. Use Your Resources: I want to connect you to outside resources that you can use during this season. From Crisis resources to blogs with lived experience. Use these links BELOW to start your journey and find the support that you need for your present. (Estimated time to complete 5-10 mins)

Resources and Directories for Lawyers and Professionals

A list of general non-profits resources (including a helpful crisis resource if you or a loved one is ever in crisis) that provide support as well as legal professional focused resources for the unique challenges in the profession. I’M ALWAYS LOOKING TO ADD TO MY LIST OF RESOURCES. Please email me with any additional resources that others may find helpful.

NAMI Crisis Resources Directory

National Alliance for Mental Health (“NAMI”)

NAMI Helpline- The NAMI HelpLine is a free, nationwide peer-support service providing information, resource referrals and support to people living with a mental health condition, their family members and caregivers, mental health providers and the public. Monday – Friday, 10 am – 10 pm ET. Call 1.800.950.NAMI (1.800.950.6264), text “HELPLINE” to 62640 or email helpline@nami.org.

Mental Health America

Lawyers with Depression Project

Depression and BiPolar Support Alliance

ABA Mental Health Resources (American Bar Association)

ABA Directory of Lawyers Assistance Programs- (These programs can assist lawyers, judges, and law students with issues that are or may be impairing; support the ongoing recovery process of lawyers and judges; educate the legal community about issues of substance abuse and mental health; and help to maintain the integrity of the profession.)