So YOU Want a Life of Your Dreams in 5 EASY Steps?

TIME TO READ: 4 mins

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You are just 5 steps away from having the life/business/relationship of your dreams…

This simple hook was a drug to me, pulling my attention to it like a ship seeking a lighthouse.

It couldn’t be all bad because I’m improving myself.

So I binge-watch, and I feel good about the progress, the steps, and the direction that I’m going to take, and then I’m off. That becomes my half-hearted desire until the next ad or webinar comes along to lead me on another adventure.

Isn’t this self-development?

Isn’t this better than binge-watching Hulu?

And I feel so much better and more motivated to achieve my goals.

This is an illusion, a well-crafted lie.

Why?

What you are doing is not self-development. Just a brief foray into the world of brain science (yes, you need to understand the basics).

You have chemicals in your brain that are produced when you watch that self-development webinar, listen to that podcast, watch that reel. They say to your brain…learning to be a better human feels good, and listening to how I can reach my goals feels good. I want more of that.

So it gives you more and more of the same until it doesn’t feel good, and then you move to something else that does.

Your initial motivation can come from this chemical in the brain, but remember that it wants you to feel good.

Exploring your curiosity may not give you that same high…and so it loses interest, attention, and seeks greener pastures.

Why does this matter?

What exactly is dopamine? It's a neurotransmitter produced in your brain, acting as a "reward center" and influencing various bodily functions like memory, movement, motivation, mood, and attention (Cleveland Clinic). Contrary to common belief, dopamine doesn't directly induce feelings of happiness or pleasure; instead, it triggers the desire to repeat a particular activity or experience (Mental Health America).

The illusion of development and focus that keeps you grasping and reaching for the next hit, where you can in just 90 mins change your life.

Children are natural explorers, soaking up new experiences and collecting perspectives. Somewhere along the way into adulthood, exploration and experimentation become bad words. Niches, majors, and what do you want to be for the rest of your life become the standard adult uniform.

People are trapped in the same experiences and routines. They use social media, gaming, food, or other outlets to soothe and comfort the boredom and fatigue.  

They equate the comfort of consumption, even the consumption of self-development, with progress. In reality, it becomes just another filler.

The thought of sitting with yourself and observing the world around you is a skill. We live in a world where we have 3-second attention spans and our body craves the next rush or soothing of new stimuli.

How do you move from quenching the boredom using the next shiny object, to something more?

In a world where everything becomes a 5-step hack, creating a life beyond the surface is:

• Adding new data points to your life and experiences

• Discovering what is already all around you.

• Learning to develop appreciation and gratitude for your present and your future.

• Embrace yourself in the present moment.

Now that I bashed 5-step hacks, I will introduce to you a framework to help get you started…and mine are different. They are only 4 steps…not 5.

Start With A Feeling

In the absence of a vision, one of the most powerful tools you can tap into is asking yourself “how do you want to feel?” or “what would be your nightmare feeling” and then put those answers in reverse to get to the feeling.

Step: One

Write out anything that you can think of in your life right now that would get that feeling.

We want to start things that make us feel good that are in service to us. If social media makes you envious, jealous, angry, bitter yet entertained, and that’s not HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL IN THE FUTURE, don’t put a star next to it (unless you can make modifications that would get you there).

Write 10 Interests Or Curiosities That Will Pull You To That Feeling

Once you know the feeling, then you can begin experimenting with activities or ways of being, doing, and having that will align you closer to that feeling. The goal here is to explore being curious, similar to a child. Children don’t overanalyze and do cost-benefit analysis. This is what happens when we move into being an adult. The goal is to broaden your frame of reference, allowing you to collect new data points in life.

Use Mindfulness While Engaging In Those 10 Things

This is important. I have gone from one activity to another in a zombie-like phase. When you play and explore, be in the now. Being present will allow you to see if that brings the feeling that you want to have. If you are busy thinking about the past and the future, you won’t be able to tap in and really experience the thing you are doing in the present moment.

Create A Vision From That Feeling

As you develop more data points in life through exploring your curiosities, you will begin to see what is possible and align it with your feelings. Your vision should tap into that feeling, not the opposite. If it doesn’t, then you need to explore the why behind it. As you grow, your vision will evolve, and that is ok.

Now that you have the 4 frameworks, I challenge you to start, explore, assess, and refine along the way. It’s not about perfection, it’s about action.

• Start with a feeling

• Write 10 interests or curiosities that will pull you to that feeling

• Use mindfulness while engaging in those 10 things.

• Create a vision from that feeling

Life is about living, not existing in the wasteland of surface-level self-improvement.

Your vision will come from sustained clarity that lies at your core…not motivation.

Remember, the power to shape your narrative lies within you. Start with a feeling, explore your curiosities, and design a life that resonates with your authentic self.

• Discover Your Feeling (5 minutes):

  • Take a moment to think about how you want to feel in your life. Write down one emotion you'd like to experience more often, like happiness or calmness.

• List 10 Things You Like (7 minutes):

  • Write down 10 things you enjoy or are curious about. These can be simple activities or interests related to the feeling you want.

• Choose 3 Favorites (5 minutes):

  • Pick 3 things from your list that make you feel good. If any don't contribute to your desired feeling, think about how you can adjust or replace them.

• Try One Favorite Mindfully (8 minutes):

  • Select one favorite from your list and spend the next 8 minutes doing it with full attention. Notice how it makes you feel and enjoy the experience.

• Imagine Your Ideal Day (10 minutes):

  • Close your eyes and imagine a day where you feel the way you want. Picture simple activities, people around you, or places you'd be. Write down a few sentences describing this ideal day. Now bring touches of those elements into your present. Nothing is too small to start. Its about taking small shifts to move into your ideal day.